I recently strapped a Random Comic Review Copy Generator to my Transmatter Pod. These are the first issues it spat out. I think it has a sense of humour. And yes, I am going to go on a bit. So I've split it up for ease of reading.
I think we have a new breed of comic here. What to call it? Wait! You know that food stuff that’s real purty but comes in portions so small you expend more energy eating it than you actually get out of digesting it? And the price of it just makes value for money an absurd and foolish abstract concept? Nouvelle Cuisine, is it not? Well, here we have Nouvelle Comics. Sounds classy, too. Marvel’s best selling title; obviously there’s a whole load of folks who think the hole is the best part of the donut. Actually Nouvelle comics is waaaay too classy. This like being fed by pipette. Pipette comics. That’s better. Which would be okay if it was a rich melange of character, plot and imagination, but this is thin gruel indeed.
New Avengers #31:A fight occurs the whole point of which is to delay The Big Reveal.
Is Jessica Tedium a Skrull? Or just a cretin? I only ask because if I could see an Imax sized astral projection of Dr. Strange with the Dagger of Dreariness in his sternum I don’t think I’d have to ask about his health. Anyway, there’s a big fight. Ninjas. Holy Mother of God. Ninjas, again. The Avengers are reluctant to kill the Ninjas, conveniently forgetting that The Hand’s lackeys are all reanimated corpses. The fight is confusing. Elektra apparently ignites Power Man into a human conflagration with a handful of matches. Wasting more time than I should have to I examine the images and figure out he is in the wreckage of a car, and presumably covered in gasoline. Maybe he’s just flammable? Maybe he’s a Skrull? Spider-Man jumps through a window. Again, I have to check to make sure that’s what happens. Yu draws pretty but needs to work on his storytelling. Iron Fist keeps forgetting Echo is deaf. Or is he a Skrull? Hawkeye and Spider-Man prove that The Funny doubled is not double The Funny. There is a meta-moment concerning their hilarious yucks. Then…..it doesn’t matter it’s all filler until the splash reveal. In fact everything grinds to a halt as The Writer attempts to keep the reveal as near to the back of the book as possible. A Skrull is revealed. Iron Fist asks the question The Writer wants us all to ask. Will The Avengers naturally go: “Oh. The Skrulls were controlling The Hand!” or will they jump to the conclusion The Writer wants them to jump to? To be continued… Rubbish.
New Avengers #32: Consisting of a monologue, a plane crash and a micro-tussle.
The centrepiece of this issue is Wolverine’s monologue which effectively puts the brakes on any forward momentum and serves to leach any suspense from the situation. Has he ever spoken this much? Has anyone? No doubt The Writer has been flouncing around the Interweb comparing this epic of paranoia to such films as Invasion of The Body Snatchers and The Thing. In fact I bet you one shiny pence that he’s watched The Thing recently, and this Wolverine boreathon is supposed to mirror MacReady’s “Now, I’ll show you what I already know.” speech. The scene in The Thing works because at some point something terrible is going to happen. At any moment. But we don’t know when. Or who. That’s suspense. Nothing is going to happen in Wolverine’s speech so it’s just a big undigested block of exposition advertising all the recent B*ndis projects; by their published titles no less so anyone with too much time/money can go and buy them and be bored anew. You don’t rip a scene off regardless of its context and intent just because you thought it was kewl, that just shows how little you understand about the scene.
I like the idea of a Skrull Invasion. I liked it the previous 20 times it occurred. But here it’s not a fun idea leading to action and adventure, it’s an excuse for bad writing. How so? The big exciting action scene this issue involves The Avengers falling out of the sky in a plane (again!). For this to have any measure of dramatic impetus Doctor Strange has to be ineffectual. He should just turn everyone into butterflies or transport them to solid ground. But, no. He can’t even fly because his cloak won’t work in falling aeroplanes. Or something. Maybe he’s a Skrull? For there to be an air of suspense Wolverine’s senses cannot tell the difference between humans and Skrulls. Maybe he’s a Skrull. Also, Dr. Useless can’t simply reveal everyone’s true form. Maybe he’s a Skrull. Spider-Woman can kick Wolverine’s *ss. Maybe he’s a Skrull. Maybe she’s a Skrull. Iron Fist appears to be clueless about Skrulls. Is he faking? Is he a Skrull? Wolverine’s monologue is turgid and based on specious logic. Is he a Skrull using a disinformation tactic? And on and on and also back through the many stupid mischaracterisations that don’t so much litter this series as make up its entirety. Rubbish.
Conclusion - (At last!) Reading is a participatory experience, not a spectator sport. You’re supposed to bring your brain, this trend of characters explaining everything as though speaking to a slow child is not healthy. The only thing this comic wants you to bring is your wallet and a level of credulity that would shame Jade Goody.
For someone with such an allegedly great handle on character it’s amazing how many times The Writer’s characters have to act out of character in order to get his moribund plots slowly moving towards their anticlimatic endings. Although to be fair this story might yet have a truly amazing and emotionally affecting ending. I’m not holding my breath, though.
It’s almost as if someone has noticed that all these mischaracterisations have been piling up behind him and he has decided to put a big band aid on some of them and pull flags of all nations out of his @ss to distract his audience from the others. Look! Skrulls! Phew, dodged a bullet. “Character writing” my aged posterior. Plus, and this really is genius, he gets to pretend it was planned all along. “Overarching years long story arcs” that really “pay off”. You believe that, I’ve got some Magic Beans with your name on them.
I enjoyed them too, even though not much happened in #32 (and some of the art work took me a while to figure out what was going on), but then it's all part of a build up to something bigger. Plenty of foreplay makes the main event better ;-)
And I've always found accusations of fictional characters "acting out of character" to be a weak argument, there was a lot of this during Civil War. Characters, like people, change and grow, and sometimes have a bad, off day. How many times do our friends do something that make us think "that was unlike them"? How different are our own thoughts on things now than they were one, five and ten years ago? Most of these characters have been through so much and had so many revelations it's no wonder they don't act like they did 20 years ago. God forbid characters should be allowed to change and grow.
Maybe I spoil myself a bit, I buy around 25 Marvel comics a month (plus trades), so when I read a "quieter" issue it just feels like part of a bigger tapestry in the wider Marvel Universe.
Thanks for reading all that, you both get No-Prizes. No, no Mr OKComics! Love is in the heart, not the head. You can't be argued out of love. I love The Micronauts, even though I know it is rubbish, yet still I love it. If I have ruined them for you I am heartily sorry. It was not my intention. As I learned from Catchphrase I was just saying what I saw. Others may see different. About 40,000 others in fact. If you love New Avengers, you love New Avengers. Go you!
Midnighter raises some good points. Sadly, I'm tired of build-ups to bigger events. I'm suffering from chafing of the expectations. Plus I find the pay off to be hurried and unsatisfactory, leaving me unable to look the other party in the eye and requiring a quick exit. But that's me. You differ. C'est bon.
Anyhoo, I was judging super-hero characterisation in these issues through their use of powers, as this is what primarily defines them here. There just seem to be too many lame excuses for Character A not to use his/her powers because the plot needs them not to use them. Or maybe they are Skrulls.
When I review a book I view it as though it were the one book I was allowed to read that month. If you read a whole passel of comics you'll view it differently. I used to read loads of books with nary a question r.e. their quality. But then lady lucre stopped being so free with her favours and I had to trim that pull list darn quick. Re-reading what I had previously been buying without question I was appalled at some of the dreck I'd supported. Hence, I try and view each book as a discrete unit in reviews. So, any benefits from being part of a larger tapestry will have sailed over my head.
I'm going to give the Random Review Generator another spin, hopefully Fate will be kinder to us all this time. And I LOVE comics. That's why I waste my time thinking and typing all this stuff up. Or I like the sound of my own voice. Hmmmm.
but surely someone who has shown such a vocal distaste for Bendis for such a long time (for as long as I've posted on here) would have saved his money and stopped buying such "rubbish" by now?
It's a valid point, but...I have stopped buying B*ndis. It's a Random Comic Review Generator. Believe me, I had no say in the matter. By the by I'm sure B*ndis is a lovely man, it's not personal, I just don't like his work. Others (thousands) do. Fair enough. Which is why I've tried to control the vocals recently. You like him you buy him. Go you! After all, One man's rubbish is another man's ASB&RTBW. I just buy what I like now, it's the only sensible thing to do; as Clemfold implies. I hope everyone starts saying "cool beans" again. I miss that.
I'll always see 'cool beans' as the catchphrase of the young kid [Pete i think his name is] from the animated Jumanji series, wow it's been a while since i've seen that one...
That's where I heard it! I wondered why it had such pleasant connotations. Man, Lapham had the stars in his hair on that series. I've got 3 thick, fat hardbacks of Stray Bullets; are there any more or is that when he decided to let his talent be denuded by the mainstream sausage factory?
Interestingly Stray Bullets was (is?) actually, genuinely, no really, a series that had plots unfolding over a number of years combined with great characterisation and character arcs. (See also: 100 Bullets, Loveless and Brubaker's Captain America.)
It can be done.
I don't think I could take "cool beans" all day everyday, though. I might reach for an icepick. How's that whole Man About The House thing working out OKOliver? BababaBABABA! (That's supposed to be the theme tune).
There were only the 3 hardbacks of stray bullets, although he completed the 4th story line and almost finished the fifth. His manstream work hasn't been so great, but he recently did a one off graphic novel called Silverfish for Vertigo which was pretty good, but isn't as nasty as Stray Bullets could get.
My housing arrangment is going well, mostly because 2 off my housemates haven't moved in yet.
